


Tracy's Two True Loves.

by TimeTempest



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Childhood Sweethearts, F/M, Feels, Happily Ever After, Happy Ending, Moving On, Multi, Sad, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4919188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeTempest/pseuds/TimeTempest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A closer look at Tracy's life, and her relationship with Max, and what happens to her after he dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tracy's Two True Loves.

**Author's Note:**

> SO, This is so not Beta'd. This is also angsty, I had so much fun writing, I also cried. Hopefully you all like it!

Tracy is seven when she meets him. They sort of see each other across the classroom, and he half smiles at her, she smiles back, and turns back to her friend, and doesn't know that he keeps looking. She can still remember him as she talks to Samantha about the best stickers, and about how math is totally the best subject. His hair seems to go out in every direction, and it's bright orange, and he's completely covered with freckles. Her favorite part later will be his eyes. They're brown, but so pretty, warm and inviting, they always stay that way. 

They're that way when he sits next to her and introduces himself as Max at lunch, and she thinks he could be like one of the fairytale Prince's from her books. She doesn't say it, but it's true. They make fast friends, and he's there for her when Samantha tells her she doesn't want to be friends anymore and walks off with her other new friends, Tracy cries for an hour and he tries to cheer her up the whole time. 

Thinking back on those times, it makes her smile. Later, when they're twelve and in middle school, they argue over who's older. She's got a month on him, but he says he's a boy, and he's also stronger and smarter, so he's older, and she just tells him that she's taller and faster than him. 

"Well, I have more freckles than you, and you know that every freckle you have makes you older." He huffs at her, though they're both close to laughing. She just purses her lips before answering slowly. 

"But you can't be older than your dad, it's physically impossible. And he hardly has any freckles." Regardless, he still wins, and claims the right to copy off of her homework as reward for being older. She just rolls her eyes and lets him, because really. Otherwise he's going to fail and letting that happen would just make her a bad friend. 

She remembers the first time they ever really fought. Her dog had just gone missing, and she was upset. She shouted at him, about pretty much nothing, but she must have said something that made him mad because he went from silent to shouting back quickly. 

"That's not fair! I didn't do anything! Why're you being like this?" He shouts, scowling. "God, you're such a girl. You must be on your period or something." 

It's a stupid comment he learned from his friends, she knows this, she knows he also didn't do anything, but the mix of everything makes tears prick at the corners of her eyes, and she hits him. She leaves, and he stares numbly at her. She hasn't even gotten her period yet, and she goes home and cries for awhile, for the dog that never came back, and for what a horrible person she is. When she goes to school she goes in half expecting for him to hate her, but he doesn't. Just watches her silently while she explains and apologizes, and then hugs her when she starts to cry a little again. 

They're fifteen when she starts to notice a change in him. She doesn't know how, but one day he went from a little chubby, innocent, and short to lean, muscular, and tall. He's still innocent, and has a smile that draws the whole room, but now when he reaches up above his head for something and his shirt lifts slightly, or when he carries some of her books for her, her heart seizes up a little. And her stomach warms, in the nice way. She's changed too, her lips are still pouty, and her hair is still a little curly, but she keeps having to get larger bra sizes, and her hips flare out now too. She isn't the prettiest girl in the school, but the way he teases her she feels like she might be. 

And his hair is still wild, his eyes are still brown, but something about them is different, she can run her fingers through his hair playfully now, and tease him about the time he dyed it blue, on a dare, and then he demands that they switch places so he can practice braiding her hair, and so she can do her homework, and then let him copy. 

They're sixteen when he finally kisses her. It's sudden, but it's nice, one second she's talking, babbling really about the upcoming dance, and her dress, and his lips are on hers, smooth, clumsy, unsure, but sending warmth through her body. She's just as unsure while she reaches up to cup his cheek, but it doesn't last long and he pulls away after a moment, grinning, and brushing his nose over hers gently. An Eskimo kiss. She thinks he's a dork when he speaks up next, but she never forgets the words. "Tracy, I've known you for forever, and I think I've always loved you. Well, no, I know I've always loved you, and I probably always will, and I figured it was always unspoken that we were a little more than friends, but I wanna be a lot more, and if you'd give me a chance and go to prom with me, I bet I could prove it." 

She can remember how happy his laugh is when she brushes her lips over his again shyly, tentatively, and murmurs a 'yes', and he's still laughing when she tackles him in a hug, and he spins her around like they do in the movies. 

That prom was the best one of her life, her dress is red, and he's wearing a suit, and even though he tried to put his into something a little less crazy, it's still wild, and entirely him, and she doesn't think she stops smiling or laughing once as he spins her around the dance floor, or holds her close through the slow songs. They don't leave until it's late, and until all his friends and all her friends know that they finally crossed the line. When he drops her off at home in his dingy little car, he walks her right up to her doorstep and kisses her again, and it isn't as awkward or unsure, it's just perfect, magical, and she watches him go from her bedroom window, her heart still pounding in her chest from the whole night. 

They're happy after that, he plays baseball and she goes to all his games, cheers him on and as they leave together she can't help but smile as she teases him. 

"I can't help but feel sorry for all your other fan girls, they're probably so disappointed that you're not blowing kisses to any of them." And she giggles and squeals as he chuckles, nodding a little before promptly pulling her against him by her belt loops and kissing her. 

"Maybe you're right, but most of the girls show up for Parker anyway. I do have a few-" He chuckles and stops as she slaps him lightly on the chest. 

"Don't be an ass." She says, grinning while they walk away together, holding hands and swinging them gently between them all the while. And she thinks, at least right now, that she couldn't be any happier. 

Their first time together is a lot like their first kiss. She's nervous, but at least she's comfortable, they have the whole day to themselves, they have a bed, but it's awkward, and it doesn't feel amazing at first, but his voice was always there, teasing and playful, and sometimes soothing and desperate, and his hands are soft and gentle against her skin. She loves it, she loves him. And she tells him so, and it's perfect because it was with him, but the sex after that is much, much better to say the least as time goes on and as they get to know each other properly. 

And life goes on. She's in a band now, pretty much learned how to play guitar overnight when she decided she wanted to, and they sing songs other people wrote first, before they decide to do that one thing to make them different and sing songs about economics. It's fun, and he's always there to cheer her on, and claim that he hasn't heard anything better in his life. 

So when one of them decides to move to New York, the other follows. It was her, he's still doing baseball, college level, and living with her in the apartments is kind of crazy, but they love each other, and she gets to fall asleep in his arms every night, and wake up to see him getting ready in the bathroom, so overall it's nice, and she's happy. He goes to games, and she takes actual classes. They're pretty much joined at the hip, and they consider marriage, but both agree it's something that can wait a little longer. 

Only, when she waits at home for him to come back, and he doesn't, she wonders if they should have actually done it. She goes to his funeral, later, and cries with his family, and feels her heart shatter that much more when they put him in the ground. It was an accident during the game, and she can't help but wish that it could have been somebody else, that she would have been able to wake up to his brown eyes again, and play with his crazy hair, that they would have gotten to grow old together and have a billion babies. He left her alone, and for awhile she doesn't know what to do with herself. 

Of course, when she gets his gift in the mail, it hurts in the best way all over again. A ukulele, he probably meant for it to be a Christmas or an anniversary present. She cries as she holds the gift, and remembers their entire life before that point, and sings the saddest song she's ever sung in the hopes that it might help her grieve a little better. 

That night she can almost feel his arms around her again, and smell the cologne that she bought him, and hear his soft, breathy, chuckle, but she opens her eyes and he's not there, and she tries to go back to sleep, because what else can she do?

The next couple years are numb for her. She's still clever, teasing playful, but she's also a little sharp, a little cold, distant, her smiles aren't as bright, and her laughter doesn't have any heart in it. She gets a roommate, but it doesn't change her. She hides his final gift to her, and hoards his things, his t-shirts, his necklaces, his baseball cap. Eventually she comes out of the depression, the numbness when her roommate finally puts her foot down, says it isn't healthy and that she's still young, and Tracy decides to at least try to live again. She had lost her true love, but Max would have wanted her to love again, to live again, and to enjoy the things he couldn't. So she packs some of his old stuff up, and doesn't throw it away or donate it, not yet, but she does put it into storage, and goes out with her friends, what's left of them anyway, and she starts classes again, brings the band back to life. 

After awhile the sting goes away. The ache doesn't, but it feels like the hole in her chest is starting to become a part of her, something she knows will never go away, but she's coming to terms with it. Dating is obviously still not going to happen, you can't have more than one true love, but she starts to help people along with finding theirs, so that they might be able to have the happy ending she couldn't. Her fairytale prince was killed with something true love's kiss couldn't fix, but theirs wasn't. Not yet. 

Eventually though, she does consider Louis. He's sweet. He's not funny, or at least not that funny, and he's too big, his arms don't fit quite right when they're around her, his smile is wrong, and his eyes are too dark, but she's a little lonely now, and he seems like the kind of guy who at least deserves a shot. 

Of course, they aren't miserable, but she can tell that it isn't true love, not like hers, and on a deeper level, she knows he knows that. So when he proposes, and she tells Max she needs to move on, because she sort of needs to, or at least thinks she should, and Max sends a pretty clear sign that it's okay, she laughs again, laughs in a way that she hasn't in a long time, tearful but happy. He's there, all around her, and she can almost hear him laughing and feel him tugging on her hair gently. 

"Of course you should you dork, this isn't healthy." That's what he'd say, if he could, and she spends a moment to think about everything again, and then let it go. The hole shrunk, stopped aching, though the freshness of the emotions stung, that too would go away. 

Louis didn't look surprised when she said no. Disappointed, yes, but not surprised. She left to ease his pain though he would have let her stay, would have tried to keep the relationship going. She ended it, and left for the hotel, and that was that. 

That night, she finally sat down and played the ukulele Mat gave her, and sang again, unaware of her audience, but that didn't matter much anyway. 

When she met Ted, she felt the same feeling she thought she felt when she met Mat, and it hurt in the best way possible as she looked into his innocent brown eyes, just the right color, and saw his wild hair. It scares her on her first date, thinking she's moving on too quickly, she can't be ready for this, but he is so reasonable, kind, even playful, when he starts to walk away, she calls him back, and they kiss, and she knows she's a goner.

The rest of the date is like magic, like the magic she'd thought she'd lost, and the hole fills slightly by the end of it, when she's leaning against the door of her apartment, and laughing at herself. This is the first time she's been so happy, with a man at least, a romantic one, in a very long while, and she thinks just maybe she could be happier, though her heart aches at the thought again, in protest. Max, the love of her life, but he told her to move on, and somehow she thinks that he knew she would meet Ted, and that he would be able to make her happy. 

And he does, they get married, her dress takes his breath away, and his goofy smile as he recites his vows makes her giggle through her own. His kisses make her breathless, and his arms are warm and strong as he holds her at night. He loves dogs, and comes to every gig her band has when he can, and when he can't she records it so they can watch it together, because he's decided it's absolutely important, and so cool that his wife is actually in a band. She gets pregnant, and the first thing he does is spin her around, before putting her down and leaning to kiss her belly. He's entirely too breathless after just that, but she decides not to comment on it as he kisses her and tells her how happy he is to have her in his life, and to have this baby too. 

They buy every parenting and early childhood book imaginable, and he gloats of his friends while she complains with Lily and Robin about the symptoms she's already getting. But when she holds her daughter in her arms, it's all worth it, and when she sees the look in her Husband's eyes, she knows he's thinking it too. "I love you." She says suddenly, so, so tired, but so happy. He looks up at her and smiles back, and chuckles at her sleepy expression as he leaned down to kiss her. "And I love you both." She isn't awake for when his friends finally arrive and he gets to show off the newest addition to the group, but she's told it was great. Barney tried to get them to name her after him, and Marshall cried. 

Of course, once they had the first child, the second was an inevitability, and she loved her son as much as her daughter, which she hadn't thought possible before looking down at the infant, and seeing the dark downy hair on the top of his tiny, squished head, Ted looks just as happy, and when they introduce him to their daughter, she stares down at him with wide, innocent eyes, and asks if this is what she looked like when she was born, before declaring that she loved him lots, and kissing his forehead in the way that only a three year old could do. Needless to say, she adored it, and when she laid in Ted's arms that night, she smiled and held his hand, and murmured that she hadn't thought she could have ever been this happy. 

And now, as she watches him that morning, thinking over her life again, she moved her fingers through his thick, messy hair, and kisses his temple, and murmurs softly that she loves him, in this life or the next. Part of her is still torn, but it is true, she loves them both, differently, but the same. He doesn't hear, he's still asleep, but when she curls against him, and feels his arm tighten around her, she knows he feels the same, and smiles a little to herself as she lets herself drift off to sleep again. No matter what happened or how it ended, she was satisfied knowing that would always be true, and this was her happily ever after. Even if it wasn't quite his yet. 

THE END.


End file.
